


What is a Mortal to a God

by Spazzplosion



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 02:22:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13378092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spazzplosion/pseuds/Spazzplosion
Summary: The number of dreams Adair had in Solas' arms were growing and it was quite frankly starting to alarm her. Though it hadn't been all that long since he'd left, there was a period where the emptiness that he'd left in her life had felt like it'd overwhelm her. Consume her and leave her as nothing but a small empty shell of an elf.





	What is a Mortal to a God

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise, surprise! I actually wrote this way back in 2014, maybe early 2015, when I still lived in America. It doesn't take Trespasser into account and I may or may not decide to continue it. Hope you enjoy!

The Exalted Plains were beautiful, made all the more rich by their history. And having met the Dalish clan who lived there, having been able to work with them and help them gave Adair her own place in the plains. But when she visited this time, it wasn't to see her friends and allies. Instead, she sat at the foot of a Fen'Harel statue and contemplated her decisions. 

When a man tells you over and over again that he shouldn't be with you and eventually that he couldn't, you should listen to him. Adair realized that now. She shouldn't have taken the time he'd allowed her, shouldn't have shared so many kisses. Most of all, she shouldn't miss him so damn much. Adair felt like she should be angry, but Solas' dismissal of their relationship, his dismissal of her, had left her... empty. There was a hole in her chest and she wasn't sure if anything would really fill it. Even knowing his hand in everything that had happened didn't diffuse her feelings. He'd made massive mistakes, hundreds of people have died that wouldn't have without his meddling. But he had stayed with the Inquisition and had helped and put things back together, he was aware of the damage he had done. He was so very proud, but he was invaluable. He was invaluable to the Inquisition. 

He was invaluable to Adair. She leaned back, the cold stone of the wolves front leg solid behind her and not as comforting as she had hoped. She squeezed her eyes shut, pulled her knees to her chest and held her breath, fighting the tears that had snuck up on her. This was pitiful. Here she was, the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste, leader of thousands, left curled at the feet of an idol, face wet with tears and heartbroken. It was so foolish, foolish of her to have expected, to have hoped that she could hold onto Solas. He was so much, and what is a mortal to a god?

Adair used to think that she understood what it was to want. She had traveled and gone without necessities, without food or water or bed, for long periods of time and she had not only wanted but needed these things. But none of it had been as overwhelming as it was to wake up in her large empty bed, still feeling the warmth of somebody who had once lain behind her and curled their body around hers. Left cold and alone because dreams are a wish the heart makes and a heart's wants are apparently merciless. She laid on her side and stared, while hollowness crawled from her empty chest out her throat. She didn't cry this time, but her sadness was palpable. What a traitor her mind had become, dreaming about Solas as though she didn't think about him enough during the day.

And it had been just a dream, she reminded herself. It had to have been. Adair couldn't let herself consider how he had walked with her in the fade, through an unreal version of Haven as they'd talked. She especially couldn't think about their first kisses shared there. But of course once it'd come to mind it was all she could think about. Contemplating how he'd turned away but when she'd reached for him... he came to her. Passionate and hot and yes, she might've swooned a little bit. It's hard to resist a man who can kiss like that. Especially one she'd been eyeing since she'd met him out at that rift. 

This was stupid. Adair rolled onto her back, annoyed with herself. It is no wonder she's still stuck on this stupid... eggy... elf. She has her pick of the litter here at Skyhold. 

 

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Standing in some kind of open space, blindfolded and possibly alone, Adair wondered at where her dreams had taken her now. For months she hadn't dreamt, sleep had been restless and empty, mirroring the way she felt when awake. She made no move to remove the blindfold, caught between curiosity and apathy. She startled though when she realized somebody else was near her. Adair strained her ears to pick up the soft footsteps that approached, and she gasped when long fingered hands cupped her face and drew her into a kiss. She couldn't see and for whatever reason, she didn't care to. But she couldn't mistake Solas’ presence, his touch, every ounce of it is achingly familiar. It was warm and firm and his lips on hers was like breath after months submerged underwater. He always did like to be the one in control, and she found that even in her dreams he remained just beyond her grasp. Her blood rushed and her face warmed as he moved to nip at her jawline on his way to her throat. Though she couldn't see him, she couldn't keep her hands from reaching. He still cradled her face in one hand as his mouth worked at her throat, and his other arm hooked around her waist. Adair thrilled at the press of his lithe body against hers, at the possessive way his hands held her. She gripped his waist and couldn't help but whimper. She wanted this too badly, she was drowning in sensation. Mythal’s mercy, she wanted so badly. She moaned his name when his mouth moved from hot wet kisses at her throat to bite at her collarbone. Her hands gripped at his waist and yanked him closer to her, and his groan fed her fire. She couldn't stand it.

"Solas, please..." 

"Inquisitor..." he murmured, returning to her lips. Annoyance flashed through her, wanting the kiss but not to be addressed so formally, so unlike the relationship they'd grown into.  
Adair jerked back before his lips could touch hers. "That's not my name." What good is a dream, she wondered, if it doesn't work the way she wanted it to.

He paused at her rebuke, but his hands tightened. She couldn't see his face darken but she could hear how his voice lowered when he responded. "Adair—" 

Whether he was about to scold her or profess that he wanted her like she wanted him, Adair didn't care. She cut him off with a kiss and was delighted by his enthusiasm. She hadn't even realized there were edges to the space she was in until Solas had her up against one, the wall a solid support behind her as he pushed one thigh between her own. It gave her something to grind down on, passion practically pouring out of her as her movements brushed her thigh against his arousal. Adair hummed appreciatively as she rolled her hips... Solas leaned his forehead against hers and breathed heavily, trying to catch his breath. Despite his pause, she refused to stop and she relished the way his hips jerked against hers when she moved just right and gasped in pleasure. 

"Vhenan, you're sweeter than I could have ever asked for."

Adair couldn't help the stupid, lovesick smile that graced her lips. "I only seem so sweet because you're so sour."

She wanted to see his face, to take in his full lips as they smile, his classic and elegant profile. She couldn't picture an elf, nor any man really, more handsome and engaging than Solas. He'd captured her heart with his fascination and confidence in the fade, in her. If only he'd held on to her the way she wanted to hold on to him. It was a sobering thought, much like a droplet escaping a damaged dam. 

"I am only so sour as you'd have me, vhenan. I have a burden to carry. We all have our burdens to carry."

The reminder of his "burden," the memory of his departure, were all too real for the dream Adair had been having. Her face hardened and she leaned against the wall, no longer held there by his passionate insistence. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this..."

"I love you so much it hurts me." Adair whispered, not brave enough to strengthen her voice. His lips barely pressed against hers, a far gentler kiss than they'd shared before and his warmth left her, her dark dream faded out.

 

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Adair made it a week without dreaming before her consciousness decided to punish her again. Though as painful as it was to have to face Solas, it was oddly cathartic. Since her last dream, Adair was able to make it through the day without having to hide away and retreat into herself. She would never admit it to what was left of her team, but Solas' abandonment had hurt her deeply. The kind of deep that takes years to overcome. But as long as she was able to claim respite through these dreams, she planned to shamelessly do so. 

It was almost like she'd known she'd see him again. Like her last dream was but a taste to hold her over, however ill-advised that may be. This time she opened her eyes and she could see. A fly buzzed past one ear and she could already feel the heat of the sun prickling at her scalp. She was far too pale to just stand around the Exalted Plains, she thought to herself, just before catching sight of Solas. He sat, cross legged, on a rocky outcrop at the water's edge. Adair had to concentrate on breathing for a moment, her chest constricted so tightly, just seeing him stopped her exhale before it could even escape. The last time she'd seen him... and in her dream... she thought of their blind conversation as though it were a legitimate memory between them. She felt eternally frustrated by his teasing, hot kisses and embrace, by his refusal to work with her, by his blind insistence that he was pursuing the only option for their relationship—to leave it behind. A rush of emotions, the loud clamoring kind, welled up in her chest and almost compelled her to confront him. By the gods, he upset her so much! Good sense held her tongue though and upon approaching him, she was glad she had.

Though she entered his line of sight, Solas continued to stare out over the water. His eyes and nose were red and puffy, cheeks with spots high on them. His usual elegant composure was denied by the ugliness of emotion. Adair wanted nothing more than to catch his tears with her fingertips and to cradle him to her chest. She wanted to help him accept his own imperfection and move on. They had never had a relationship like that though and bitterness held her back. How many tears had she shed for him, after all.

"I would not have you see me this way, vhenan, but you continue to surprise me each time we meet." His voice was so clear, so reasonable sounding. 

"You're so infuriating," she answered. "Why are we here?" She gestured to her surroundings though Solas still stared straight.

"When I had to release my friend, the wisdom spirit... thank you for helping me. It is too rare that someone is kind enough to assist a spirit. I couldn't have helped them without your help. Many deaths rest upon my shoulders, in many different ways, but it is like my friend said. I must carry them with me. I must endure. It is a burden I will not pass on, but I cannot thank you enough for coming with me on that day."

Adair gave up on standing so far from him, especially as he had yet to move, aside from blinking and addressing her. Sitting beside Solas was easy without her armor clanking in the way, but it didn't occur to her to wonder why she wasn't wearing it. "Working with you has taught me so much, Solas. You've taught me so much."

It's not meant to come out as husky as it does, but with her leaning close as she settled next to him, Adair ended up murmuring this like a lover's confession.

Solas finally turned to her, surprise, or maybe consternation clouding his features. Adair's face warmed immediately. She fought to maintain eye contact.

"I have learned much from you as well, vhenan. I'm afraid that I've learned too much." His voice was lower now and Adair suppressed a shudder. "You've taught me how to want. Oh, how I want you."

She watched Solas resign himself to his feelings and welcomed his kiss. It was a long, quiet moment, neither of them touching except where their lips met in an insistent press. River water lapped at the shore. The moment calmed when Adair shifted and became acutely aware of a pebble that dug into her thigh. Solas pulled away as well, avoiding eye contact.

"I've known want in many ways through my life, my love, but it was you who taught me heartache." She immediately knew she shouldn't have said it and the closed off look that covered his face was as much a denial as his departure had been. She blinked, eyes feeling suspiciously damp, when she realized she was no longer staring at Solas' solemn profile but at her own vaulted ceilings. 

A single tear leaked down her cheek before she rubbed away the dampness and rolled over. She buried her face in her pillow, forcibly not remembering when her whole bed had smelled like him. Stupid Solas. Stupid Adair.


End file.
